So, one of the ladies on my message board posted this the other day, and I thought it was cute. It's so refreshing to know that I have that outlet where all these women, some I know personally and some I do not, are going through the exact same things as I am. Right now, it's the exhausting, newly-mobile, getting a ton of teeth all at once, and as a result of the teething, refusing various foods and not sleeping through the night anymore stage. We have our good days and our bad days, and some days when I wonder if I'll go every day for the rest of my life without some sort of small crisis arising like knocking brand new teeth on tile floors, getting fingers stuck in drawers that we know are "no-no's", and hitting foreheads and temples and noses on corners of walls and coffee tables. The list could honestly go on and on, but at the end of the day (or just right before the next nap), I get tiny little bear hugs and teethy, drooly kisses that make me forget ALL about how tired I am. And I think about how big she's already gotten since the day I met her, and how big she'll be one day. I wonder if I'll go into her room at night while she'd sleeping in 15 years, and just watch her, put my hand on my chest so my heart doesn't melt right out, and feel a couple tears fall.
You can "prepare" for your whole life to bring a child into the world. You can hear advice of those who've done it before you. And you can read ALL the books that tell you how to be a good parent. But no one can ever, ever, EVER explain to you the love and fullness that you feel when you see your daughter or son for the first time. Or the fear that overcomes you suddenly, thinking about how scary this world is, and that this baby of yours will one day be out in it without you. It's all very overwhelming sometimes; this love I have. Different from any other love I've felt.
This is such a busy year for us, and so many of our friends. Some about to have their first babies, and some about to have their second. And some friends who are trying so desperately to get pregnant in the first place. All these new little lives, and all the lives that those little lives are about to change FOREVER. All of this going on, and my daughter who will unbelievably be a YEAR OLD in a month and a half, and this growing belly of mine... it's all just so... amazing.
This is hysterical. If it had been presented this way,
I don't believe any of us would have done it!!!!
POSITION :
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop
JOB DESCRIPTION :
Long term, team players needed, for challenging,
permanent work in an
often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication
and organizational skills and be willing to work
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES :
The rest of your life
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
until someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a
pack mule
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
in case, this time, the screams from
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets
and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings
for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for
the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :
None.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills,
so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :
None required unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION :
Get this! You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
of the assumption that college will help them
become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more..
BENEFITS :
While no health or dental insurance, no pension,
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
no stock options are offered;
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love,
and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.
Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know,
in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
letting them know they are appreciated for the fabulous job they do...
or forward with love to anyone thinking of applying for the job.
AND A FOOTNOTE 'THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!!
