Well, the dust has settled a bit after the crazy, busy week we've had, so I thought this would be a good time for some reflection.
I honestly CANNOT believe an entire year has passed since Matt and I became parents. Such a whirlwind the year has been, but truly the BEST year of my life (and I know Matt would say the same). Sydnie has been such a precious gift from the Heavens; sometimes I think I must have done something REALLY good in this life for God to bless me with something so wonderful. I think about my parents a lot lately, and the comment I used to hear occasionally from them, "You'll 'get it' when you're a parent yourself." Well, Mom and Dad, I totally get it. The love you feel for your babies is immeasurable. It makes my heart hurt to look at her sometimes- it's so full, that it actually hurts. And the fears I have about her well-being, or the desire to just make her happy, if nothing else; it's something I just didn't understand before. To put someone else before you, not because you have to and it's your responsibility to be "selfless", but because you WANT to. I remember the first time I heard that phrase "pride and joy" since becoming a mom, and I thought, "Yes, that's exactly what Sydnie is." She fills my life with joy, and the pride I feel about her and because of her is incredible.
With the fast-approaching birth of our son, I realized that I hadn't ever actually written out the story of Sydnie's birth. I know to some of you, that might sound silly, but I'm one of those "write it down, or you'll forget it" people. So, while I'm in the mood to reflect... here goes!
Matt and I knew what our baby's birthdate would be long before she actually arrived, because my doctor knew my anxieties about not having our families with us when I delivered. Dr. Benezra said that October 20th would be "the day", and I spent every waking minute counting down to that day! I remember being "SO READY" in the weeks leading up to my induction. We hurried up to get our new house all ready for our families' arrival, and finally on the 17th of October, my dad got into town. Matt and I took him out to dinner that night, and the next day, Dad and I got pedicures together! (Yes, my dad is proud of his nicely-groomed toes!) Later that day, my mom, brother, and Matt's mom, Terry arrived. We grilled out, and had a nice big dinner together. On the 19th, I got up and got myself showered, I shaved my legs, did my hair and makeup, and we all went out to brunch at Duran Golf Club. When we were there, our waitress asked when I was due, and I answered by saying, "Oh, I'm going to the hospital after this." She looked a little puzzled, but I explained that I was scheduled to be induced that evening. After brunch, we came back to the house to pick up our hospital bags, made a quick stop at Target, and headed down to Holmes Regional Hospital.
We got to the hospital around 4:30 p.m. and were taken to our Labor and Delivery room right away. I remember looking around and thinking, "OK, wow, this is really it. I'm going to have a baby in this room!" As soon as we filled out our registration forms, my IV was put in, and I was wearing my sexy hospital gown, I was given Cervadil (a medicine that's inserted to ripen the cervix) to get things started at about 5:00. Matt and I both fell in love with our labor and delivery nurse, Megan. She was just WONDERFUL, and was totally on the same page with me through my whole labor. My contractions started almost immediately, which I really wasn't expecting, and by 6:00 they were already 2-3 minutes apart! I was still only 1 centimeter dilated, which I had been for weeks, and was 80% effaced (or "thinned out"). I couldn't understand why with these strong contractions, my cervix wasn't catching up and dilating, but I tried to focus on breathing through the pain instead. Matt massaged my back with the hand-held massager we packed, and did the best he could to keep me relaxed. We brought a few movies with us to watch that night, but I don't think we were half-way through the first movie before I was in hard labor.
I labored all night, and at 1 a.m., after not sleeping at all, Megan suggested some Stadol to take the edge off of the pain. I hated the idea of Stadol, as I was told by our birthing class instructor that it would make me feel "loopy and drunk", but I agreed to it anyway in hopes that I'd be able to rest for a little while. I felt the medication "take the edge off" right away, but I felt like I'd had 5 appletinis, and someone was sitting on my back. Not a great feeling, but I was able to snooze for about an hour. By 2 a.m. my contractions were right on top of eachother, with NO breaks in between. Megan checked me, and I was STILL only 1 centimeter dilated, but was 100% effaced. She was baffled by this, and I was beyond frustrated. Megan called Dr. Benezra at home, and gave him a play-by-play. He agreed that since it had been a good 9-10 hours of pain, that it was time for an epidural. He also asked Megan to ask me if I'd ever had any procedures done on my cervix, and mentioned a LEEP procedure, for example. I told her no, since I'd never heard of a LEEP, and I asked what that was. She explain that is was basically when a doctor takes a piece of the cervix for biopsy when precancerous cells were detected. I said, "WAIT, is that like a colposcopy?! Because I've had a colposcopy done!" (Yes, it is). Megan let out a sigh, and told me that the reason I wasn't dilating was because of the colposcopy, and that it had probably left scar tissue on my cervix that was keeping it from opening up. She said that they'd have to manually break the scar tissue open to let my cervix do what it needed to do. The thought of someone reaching up in me to "break up scar tissue" made me cringe... as if the regular cervical checks weren't bad enough!!! Megan said I would NEED my epidural before she could do it though.
In comes the annethesiologist. To me, the epidural was one of the worst parts of the whole labor process. Before then, I wasn't allowed to get up to go to the bathroom and empty my bladder because I'd had the cervadil in the whole time (yes, ALL NIGHT with a full bladder, AND horrible contractions to boot!) So, in order for the epidural to be inserted properly, I had to sit up and hunch over, and Sydnie's head was so low that the pressure on my bladder brought me to tears. As soon as we got through that, I was laid back down, and was told to give the medicine about 15 minutes to take effect. Megan cam in shortly there after to get to work on my scar tissue. Without going into too much detail, IT WAS AWFUL. I felt like my insides were being ripped apart. But it worked. At 4 a.m., I was dilated to 3 centimeters. FINALLY!!! Now it was just a waiting game, since I was already totally thinned out, I just needed to get from 3 to 10 centimeters, and I could finally start pushing! Most of the next few hours were a blur, but the vague memories I do have are just staring at the fetal heart monitor and the contraction monitor. I watched (and felt) my contractions go up and tip the scales, and go back down. It took THREE MORE HOURS to dilate another centimeter. I was beyond exhausted and frustrated, and my pain was becoming more and more intense. I knew that my epidural was wearing off. A new anethesiologist came to visit, and he mixed a new cocktail for me. STILL IN PAIN, even after the new dose. I felt defeated by the pain, and the fact that my body was not working like I wished it was. But Megan, Matt, and Dr. Benezra were my cheerleaders. They said this was GOING TO HAPPEN. I knew that I needed to go inside myself for more strength, and gather myself so I'd have to energy to push. I breathed and focused like I didn't know I could for the next few hours. Even though my epidural had failed me, and the pitocin I was given when my contractions started to slow down made everything SO MUCH stronger, I got through it all. Just after our families arrived at the hospital, Dr. Benezra broke my water around 10 a.m., and the real pressure began. It was instantaneous that Sydnie moved down, and I was fully dilated! Matt's mom and my mom were in the delivery room with us from then on.
I started pushing just after 11 a.m. It felt GOOD to push. Finally, I was doing something "productive" with my contractions. I knew I wanted to watch my baby being born in a mirror, but as soon as the mirror was wheeled over, and I caught a glimpse of my swollen "parts", I made Megan move it right away! I pushed a few more times, and when Sydnie started to crown, I asked to have the mirror back. It was amazing and surreal to see that little head coming out of me! I found a tile on the ceiling that became my focal point, and other than a couple glances at the birthing mirror, that's where my eyes stayed. Matt was amazing. He was working so hard to help me pull myself up while I was bearing down. I had been pushing for 45 minutes when Dr. Benezra told me to reach down and grab my baby. At 11:54 a.m. on Monday, October 20, 2008, I pulled my baby daughter onto my chest, and felt a love that I could NEVER put into words come over me.
Sydnie Layne weighed 7 pounds 13 ounces, and was 21 inches long. She was a little jaundice, and got to spend a little time in her "tanning bed" after she was born. She was, and still is such a sweet baby.
